The exploits of Valkysas

Valkysas was the guy who wrote those silly pick-up lines.

I've paid prostitutes to ride bikes through Kmart.

I've thrown blocks of american cheese at cars while standing between lanes.

I've made flaming whips out of nylon rope and used them outside the local fire station.

I have a helmet with a smoke alarm ontop of it, that I sometimes tape fireworks to.

I've ridden a sled pulled by a car on the highway.

I've sat inside a big plastic garbage bin and had my friends push it around a parking lot with their cars.

I've made pants out of sliced turkey and staples.

I've stapled my fingers together on several occasions.

I've attacked a display at suncoast and been banned from the store as a result.

I bought 20 bunches of bananas, only to watch them rot in my back yard.

I've participated in milk fights, which is when you and a bunch of friends get school-sized milk cartons and throw them at each other like water balloons.

I've juiced a fish.

I bought a george foreman grill and a massive extention cord, just to grill a dead squirrel right in the middle of my street.

I've put cabbage patch kids clothes on random neighborhood cats.

I bought a game gear last year to throw it at a bus.

I've thrown flaming potatos through a former neighbor's windows on several occasions.

I filled a ziploc bag with chocolate milk, taped it to my ass under my pants, and then sat down on the school bus, screamed "oh shit", and then had a friend attempt to lick the mess on my pants clean.

Whenever one of my female friends fall asleep near me, I pull up their shirt and write random people's names on their backs. I actually always carry a marker for this. I even have one in my pocket now. they are all okay with this, and have learned just to accept it. several of them have left their own messages for me to find there.

when the local NBC station was at my high school taping a segment about our computer lab, I had everyone in the class have david letterman's website on their monitors, of just "CBS" in big letters on an all-white background. this resulted in the segment just showing the reporter, and not a single computer or student. they had tried to film it later on, but word had managed to spread fast and every following class did the same thing.

I've mailed envelopes filled with dead crickets to jennifer granholm, my state's governor.

I mail pictures of my neighbors to my neighbors. it serves no purpose other than to annoy them. I occasionally draw hearts around their faces.

When me and mikochan went to a beach up north, I spent almost the entire time sticking dollar bills into different areas of her swimsuit. apparently that implies a certain career choices that girls don't care to be associated with.

The christmas cards I sent out two years ago were just pictures of my hamster's ass.

Occasionally I have the hair on my leg shaved into one of the following words: Dave, Cat, Fast, or Ryan.

geno blue reminded me of a car-related thing done just this summer. me and mikochan drove her car into a ditch next to the highway, called a tow truck and had them pull the car out, which prompted us to immediately run up to the car and shove it back in.