A Magical New Chapter in Terry's Medical History

Some time ago I had my first physical that wasn't administered by a pediatrician. It was administered by Dr. Ko, who didn't look a day older than me. I never feel so immature and powerless as when those seemingly within my age group shoulder such incredible responsibilities. This feeling is doubled when they are holding my testes. It's enough that I'm getting older - I don't need my doctors to get younger, too.

At a point, Dr. Ko asked me if I had any concerns with my body, head to toe. I asked if there was a personality disorder test I could take that wasn't online. He asked me why I felt taking one was necessary, so I told him that I felt depressed and also crazy for some time. Then he pulled out a sheet and we played Twenty Questions to find out whether or not I was sick in the head. He verified that I wasn't "the type" to have a personality disorder, and he chalked up my constant displeasure to the college experience. There was no medical solution for my predicament. Only sheer will power, evidently.

The next morning, I got a call from Dr. Ko. My blood test yielded an interesting result. I had tested positively for hypothyroidism. In particular, I tested positively for Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune disease that attacks and is evidently capable of destroying the thyroid, causing deprivation of the thyroid hormone which regulates energy and metabolism in the body. (I should've known this had something to do with hormones)

Symptoms include constipation, stiff joints, impaired memory and cognitive function, panics attacks, paleness, dry skin, sore throats, decreased libido, constant fatigue, increased sensitivity to heat and cold, thin or completely absent cuticles, and depression. Apparently it's hereditary. Thanks, Mom.

Now, along with my new inhaler (Apparently the frequency with which I use my current inhaler is a big problem all of a sudden, despite being totally acceptable for years. So what's the solution? Another inhaler!!), I have to take a pill every morning for the rest of my life.

There's no way of telling how long I've had it. I can't even estimate. After all these years, I'd pretty much accepted the stiff joints and sore throats and fatigue and constipation as status quo.

All this time I could have sworn something was amiss, but I never would have expected it would involve a gland I nearly forgot I had. What's the difference between being controlled by a personality disorder and being controlled by my thyroid or my lungs? How is it any different from being controlled by my brain? Whose to say what free will really is? In the end, aren't we all essentially being controlled by our organs?



SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR PILLS, DEFECT.

Whatever you say, Lord Hazanko!