Into the Den of the Death Dealers

It was lovely out. I had put on a sweatshirt out of habit, and I had no need for it at all. I would have gone for a walk in the esplanade right then if I wasn't certain I'd faint before I got to the Garden. I had to contract the worst illness I've had in well over a year during the sunniest and most temperate week of the semester. Of course, I did.

I reached the windowless door of the Health and Wellness Center. It was locked, as it had been yesterday. As I slowly turned to leave and surrender to fate, the doorknob clicked, and a soft and bright face appeared in the doorway and, with angelic compassion, asked if she could help me. I told her that I had left a message on the Wellness Center's machine, but I hadn't heard back from anyone. She opened the door and allowed me into the waiting room. She was tall, short-haired, and beautiful, in my fevered mind, at least. I wondered why all receptionists were not so - my visits to the doctor would be so much more bearable.

She explained that everyone was on lunch break until one. She handed me a slip, and told me to fill out my contact information and my symptoms. I took a seat with my back facing her, and filled out the slip of paper, using Batman: Tales of the Demon as a clipboard. On the opposite wall, there was a chart with rows of photos of everyone who worked at the Wellness Center, and their names. My receptionist was at the very bottom, in her own row. I'm not certain what her name was. Part of me wants to say that it was "Denise".

The short-haired angel chimed over the desk behind me, and asked what my student ID number was.
I told her, "Seven-two-six-nine-zero-two."
"Yes, there is a message from you here. You forgot to leave your phone number."
I could feel my fever jump a few degrees from embarrassment. "Of course," I said, "Of course, I did."

I handed her the slip, and she assured me that I would receive a call in about an hour. I thanked her for her relentless compassion and beauty, and left. After a hearty lunch of wet pasta, I returned to my room to lie down until I received a call. I left my shoes on. I couldn't stand the thought of bending over to take them off if I was just going to have to put them on again in an hour. I lay in such a way that my feet were hanging just off the bed.

A nice thing about being sick is that it's wonderfully easy to make your mind a vacuum. I lay for roughly an hour, completely unoccupied and not caring. The phone rang. I rolled out of bed, touching my knee to the floor and rubbing my neck with my hand. I stood and answered it.

It was a lady named Robin from the Wellness Center. She asked me what my symptoms were, and at that moment I realized I had forgotten everything I ever knew. Why did she have to ask me, anyway? Didn't she have my slip? After a moment of stalling, I told her I was dizzy and weak, and that I thought I had a fever. "Have you taken your temperature?" she asked. "Do you have a thermometer?" I told her I did not.

She said no one could see me today. She asked if I had taken anything for my condition, and I told her I didn't, which was untrue as I had taken some DayQuil by my mom's suggestion. She didn't want to treat it as something serious because "we don't know if you have a fever." I wasn't clear as to exactly why she couldn't take my word for it. Maybe she was taking caution in case I was some kind of con artist, fooling women into thinking I have a fever so I can get them to examine me. She told me to quell my symptoms with over the counter drugs - you know, like DayQuil.

Then she offered to give me an appointment for Monday, as though out of some sort of consolation for not being able to see me that day. To absolve her of her guilt, out of the goodness of my heart, I accepted the Monday appointment, spiting fears that I might be dead before then.

---

The dread Batman approaches a cave embedded into Mt. Nanda Devi, deep in the Himalayas.

"Halt, intruder!" shouts one of two gun-toting men guarding the entrance to the cave of the Brotherhood of the Demon. "Halt, or I'll..."

"Can it, sonny-boys!" says Batman as he shoves the two aside. "You don't dare use those things... As we both know!"

Boldly, The Batman strides into a chamber hewn from rock and filled with yet more gun-carrying sinister types.

"Batman!" shouts the captive Robin from between two more thugs. "Good to see you, friend!"

"Same here, Robin!"

"Stop!" protests one of the Brothers of the Demon. "You can't..."

"Sure I can! Watch me!" The Batman reassures his hosts as he goes to undo the bonds holding his ward. "How've they been treating you, kid?"

"Not bad! The chow's lousy... Nice atmosphere, though! Have any hassles getting here?"

"None to complain of! But do me a favor... Next hoods that snare you, ask them to stay in the United States! I hate long trips!"

"On your knees, intruder," another Brother cautions The Batman, motioning to an approaching figure, donning a great cape and a horned mask. "The Supreme Brother enters!"

"I'll give the kneeling a miss, if you don't mind -- and even if you do! In the last three days I've mixed with cut-throats and a killer-leopard..."

The Supreme Brother motions to speak, but The Batman raises his hand. "I've bruised my knuckles on various chins, I've climbed a mountain, and I've dodged bullets... So I don't have any patience for phony rituals!

"In fact, I don't have any patience left, period! You've been putting me through paces and you think I'm too dumb to understand it! You think a man with my training couldn't see what's been happening? From the very beginning, I saw the whole deal was a charade!"

The Batman raises his hand to ensure he is uninterrupted. "Ra's Al Ghul and his ox of a servant showing right after Robin disappeared... That was a joke! Too quick... too big a coincidence! Al Ghul's story of his daughter's identical disappearance wouldn't have fooled a moron!

"Then in Calcutta... Ubu always made a big routine of letting his boss go ahead of me. Except when there was danger! Conclusion: Ubu knew the leopard was waiting!

"The map was the clincher! I told a little white lie... because there was no fingernail scratch on the chart -- yet Ubu and Al Ghul took me to this mountain... this, of thirteen Himalayas!

"I'm tired of talking! You ready, Robin?"

"Check, Batman! Shall we begin?"

Witness it -- fury, held in rigid check until now... explodes!

These are no brutal beings! There is a part of their hearts that despises violence...

But they are a product of their era, even as are you! The horrors of three wars and deep personal tragedy have shaped them!

So violence lives within them... and given the occasion, it can become an icy, remorseless vengeance!