Fine Print Faggotry

Yesterday, roughly a month after we moved into our Boston apartment, my roommate Ken tells me that we finally got our Comcast bill. He hands it to me, because the account is in my name.

We opted for the student bundle, which includes cable TV and high speed Internet. We're charged $37 for Internet and $55 for TV. And $155 for a previous balance.

Wait, what? There were two things wrong with this. One, this was the first bill we had ever received. Two, even taking into account this theoretical "other bill", we still shouldn't owe anyone 250 damn dollars. We could buy a Wii for our apartment with that much money. We wouldn't NEED Cable television if we had a God damn Wii.

So I call them up, and I ask the fellow on the other end why our bill is two hundred and fifty fucking dollars. He says that the bill also includes the charges from last month's bill. I tell him that we never received a bill for the prior month. He seems slightly dumbfounded, and after doing something on his computer he says that the billing department will send us a copy of last month's bill, which we would receive in a week's time - three days after our current bill is due.

I try to ask him for a breakdown, anyway. Why would our first bill cost $155 when the student bundle is supposed to $80 a month? He doesn't know. So I try to walk him through it like I was an orderly. Was it the cable box? Is the cable box worth 70 dollars? He says it's worth 30 at most. Was it the signal booster? How much is that? He said the signal booster comes standard. What does that mean, sir? Does "standard" mean "free"?

I wish him a good day, and check Comcast's web site like I should have done to begin with. Apparently all I have to do is create an account online, and I can view and pay my bills right there. How come the guy on the phone didn't suggest this? I go through my account pages, and download .PDF files of both of my bills.

When I finally got a look at the elusive first bill, I noticed how it was different from the one we had received in the mail. There was an additional charge for $57.90 - "one-time charges and credits". Oh, right. Forgot all about those darn one-time charges and credits. How STUPID of me to FORGET.

The reason we never get this first bill is because it was sent to Roxbury, Massachusetts, not to Boston, where we live.